The Secret To Encouragement

This past Sunday a very good friend approached me after my sermon and said something so honest and revealing that I have been thinking about it for 2 days.  She said, "Clayton, that was a good message this morning, but I don't really know how to say it, because I always feel weird about telling a preacher when they do a good job."  I understand her quandary.  But I want to say with absolute conviction that we all need encouragement!  Preachers, moms and dads, kids and coaches, all of us benefit from the kind words spoken to us by others.

Yet there is a cultural taboo when it comes to bragging on someone or speaking good words of affirmation to them.  This is prevalent in the church, where people would often rather critique than encourage.  Yet the New Testament commends verbal encouragment over and over and over again.  I have to ask myself if I am withholding this spiritual blessing from my brothers and sisters who could really be blessed by my gift...if I were more dedicated to giving it.

Mark Twain once said, "I can live three months on one good compliment."  I couldn't say it any better!  I am with Mark.  I need encouragement.  I crave it.  We all do.  Not because we are insecure and arrogant, but because God designed us to bless each other with the words we speak, which represent what we feel about others in our hearts.

IT'S NOT ENCOURAGING IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT.  The whole purpose of encouragement is to actually "give courage" to someone else by saying something to them that lifts them up.  So unlike prayer, which can be a blessing to someone who never even knows you pray for them, encouragement CAN NEVER be a blessing to the person unless it is given directly to them.

Prayer is directed toward God and given to Him.  Encouragement is directed toward an individual and given directly to that person.

So if you think something good about someone, that thought has no benefit to them unless it transforms into words that are spoken (or emailed, texted, Facebooked) to them.  If it never leaves your mind and your mouth, it is not encouraging.

So many of us don't really know how to encourage someone.  Here are the most common reasons we don't actually ever encourage anyone, even though we may have a desire to.

1.  It just feels awkward

2.  We don't want to cause pride or give someone "the big head"

3.  It takes effort, like sending a text or an email or taking the time to talk to the person

4.  Nobody ever encourages us, so it's nearly impossible to encourage someone else

5.  No one ever taught you how to give encouragement

6.  We think of something encouraging to say, but we forget or get distracted and never do it

7.  Our own pride secretly hijacks any attempt to lift up another person with words of affirmation

There is only one way we can learn to practice the spiritual gift (and biblical mandate) of encouragement.  WE MUST PRACTICE IT.  The next time you have a good thought about a sermon you heard, or a meal your spouse cooked, or how good the yard looks, or what a good game your child played...don't hesitate.  Take the time and make the effort to TELL THEM.  You will "give them courage" and become and agent of blessing for those you affirm in Christ.

How do you feel when someone notices something good about you and tells you?  Do you have trouble giving encouragement?  Why?